The Log – 2002 Edition, #3

After the break

What needs to happen

4:25 PM 7/31/2002

So here’s a list of stuff that’s going on. I feel like it’s eternally on my plate (I mean, just how long have I been working on Venture in some form, anyway?), and having it out on the page to look at for a couple of days can’t hurt things. Thoughts and feelings on this stuff on my board can’t hurt, either, so hit me there and help me out.


Oral Pleasures:
	-Hammonds’ relationship polish
	-Tumminio’s jokes/humor polish
	-schedule
	-budget
Venture:
	-Issue 1 pages by Krol
DSF:
	-Finish rewrite of script
clapboard.org:
	-pictures scanned and uploaded

floating…	9:27AM 07/31/2002
La Leggenda floats onwards. I float with it. Yesterday turned out pretty well, after a tough morning getting into the groove. Things with Katie turned out okay (as they tend to do, you know?), which is good because the little thing coming up would have been utterly spoiled otherwise. Also, I was freaking out in the afternoon, missing my friends and wanting to talk to people, and suddenly, by pure fortune, Kurt, Scott, Kara & Russ all posted on my board. I even got one of my first spams, based, it would seem, wholly on messages on the board about fake IDs and, more exactly, about identity building. It’s cool to get a little spam. That’s enough for now. I’m getting ideas, though, so look out for another update soon.

as it so often happens…	10:27PM 07/29/2002
…I left Katie tonight (this time in Bryant Park watching a movie) and I’m miserable. Again, I find myself wondering what it is that makes me repeat this cycle of unhappiness and unfulfilled potential. Whatever the outcome of this (and can it be good?) tonight left me with a particularly bad taste in my mouth, both figuratively, for what it means, and literally. Blech. Anyway, I was talking to–or e-mailing with–Kara today (she’s insightful about affairs of the heart and has ideas that I like to listen to) and we got to talking about feeling like you’re often at -1 at the end of a fight, issue, whatever. It’s like, there’s just long enough for your standards to readjust to this new, lower number, when there’s another incident. It begs the question, how long until the total of the relationship is zero? Negative? Man. That stuff was mainly about her situation and past situations, but at the moment, it seems very relevant to my current situation. Maybe I’m just being weird and dramatic, but I’m not over-reacting, this much I’m sure of. How to bring it up without invoking a negative or defense posture is an entirely different matter, and one that weighs heavily with me. I’m tired, but I know I can’t sleep–maybe I should just close my eyes and have the demons let themselves out.

my first weekend	3:20PM 07/28/2002
wow. umm, so this weekend has been, thus far, the antitheses of everything I’ve come to expect from a weekend, with the slight exception of the frustration and failure on the motorcycle front. It almost feels like the first time I’ve even HAD a weekend in months. Not that it’s been enough (not by a long shot), but it has been nice to be able to chill for, so far, a day and a half. I haven’t had to do anything this weekend. It’s been wonderful. Secondarily, I haven’t gone anywhere, I’ve barely answered the phone, I’ve avoided most forms of human contact. honestly, it’s making me feel a little weird, but I’m not craving conversation the way I usually do on a Sunday afternoon. I have to leave the house to go do laundry, and I’ve even been putting that off as long as I can. At the moment, I’m in the middle of a long-postponed cleaning of my room, which I hope will culminate in a vacuuming of the living room and hallway, and maybe even a wash of the kitchen floor. At the very least, I’ve cleaned this room and now I’m taking in hand some tasks that I’ve been avoiding for far too long. I haven’t done any writing, really, but that’s not necessariy a bad thing–this weekend has been all about purge. A little working out wouldn’t hurt, either. I’m SO distracted and scattered, I don’t know what’s with me. It’s a little like I’m suffering some sort of withdrawl or something–I wonder if it’s symptoms of over-saturation still coming out of my system. Whatever it is, it’s not like me and I don’t like it. At the moment, I’m looking ahead to whatever time that I can get my life in hand, start working out again (just a little bit, purely for maintenance at the moment–I haven’t worked out in a million years and I miss it). Although I haven’t nailed down a schedule yet, I feel like knowing that it’s time to change some things is a good initial step. Along the same lines, I have to stop spending so damn much money. Overpaying when people don’t offer enough money for their part of the bill avoids confrontation, but it’s time to stop that practice, for sure. Interestingly, I can remember exactly when this habit started–pinocchio’s in 11th grade. What a mess. Time to break that habit, I guess. Anyway, there’s more to say (isn’t there always?), but I’m going A.D.D. again and I feel the need to complete the damn work on my room. This place really needs an overhaul, and I don’t want to quit while I’m doing so well.

drama, drama, drama…	12:29PM 07/27/2002
Yeah. Last night started out well and ended up lame. The thing that worries me about it, really, is that we didn’t talk about it, we just aired our differences of opinion and called it a night. That was a problem because what’s to keep it from happening again? Besides, now our respective friends have had to take sides. That can cause more trouble than it can solve–ask me how I know. Whatever happened, it’s over now, and I’m putting it out of my mind with the wonderful world of Motorcycle maintenance. Okay, so the world ain’t so wonderful there, but at least machines are easier to understand than women. There are things that can go wrong, things that can get screwed up, but mainly they can be fixed and the machine doesn’t hold a grudge or even hold on to the memory of the problem. That’s a nice feeling. I think I should stay home and write today, but I’m not feeling much like being lonely. Damn dichotomy. I’ll write more later, I think–there seems to be a lot to say.

dissatisfied? demanding?	11:59AM 07/26/2002
what the hell am I? it’s an interesting thought, though, because I’ve been single for so long and as I look at things that are happening now, I wonder if there aren’t correlations that I never noticed before. I haven’t been unhappy being single–this much is true, but it’s an interesting thought. I mean, I thought I had it down until now, you know? It’s like, I don’t want anyone close because I might move, I don’t want anyone close until I can get comfortable with the idea that they will never know my dad (will I ever get comfortable with that?), and maybe now there’s a whole new, un-explored issue. Maybe I’m setting my sights too high to help facilitate the distance issue. Whatever it is, there’s something here to be considered. Now, after all that, I’m a happy guy. Things are going pretty well in my life, I’m lucky to be cared about, thought of, and generally included in the lives of great people. Whatever my problems are, they are mine and mine alone. Also, if Kurt ever returns from South Carolina, I’ll have to get with him about Venture. If I can ever figure out the minutia of starting a production budget, I’ll do that, too. The issue is this: everyone says different things. I have to start with a budget to get a schedule, or vice-versa. I have to have a target amount to get a budget, or I have to have a budget to have any idea what I’ll spend on the film. And everyone has such experience. What a pain in my arse. Anyway, I’m making things up as I go along, I’ve got a ridiculously simplistic spreadsheet at the moment that promises to get a shitload more complex, but it isn’t Movie Magic, which everyone here loves. I’d love to get my hands on a copy, but it’s scarce, so i search in vain. Anyway, things are happening–it’s a matter of time and effort when they coalesce. My budget is coming down (i mean, really), and my expectations are going up, which puts me much more squarely in the low-budget asshole producer camp. Now, if only I had some money. Think it might also be important to figure out how these movies get distribited? Whatever. That’s tomorrow’s question.

leaks in the dam	8:29AM 07/24/2002
I feel like I talked a lot last night. If I feel like I talked a lot, Mike must have been dying. But for the first time in awhile, I was getting the rush from creativity, letting my imagination work, feeling out a couple of new ideas and a score of old ones. I’m excited by the fact that I know people that are capable of doing lots of things that I’m not, capable of filling in my holes and weaknesses, capable of helping complete the puzzle of my life. It’s nice. I don’t want to rush things, so I’m taking it easy, not letting my imagination get too out of control. I am renewed, however, in my desires to keep things moving, keep in touch with the people working with me. Sooner or later, this dam has to break and I can start really creating again.

I have some money now.	11:26AM 07/23/2002
USAA finally got and deposited my checks. This doesn’t make my bike work or my stories write themselves, but it does take a load off my mind. My landlords, however, haven’t cashed my last month’s rent check, so there’s more than $500 of the $900 I was waiting on to pull me out of arrears already accounted for. I think I need to confront them about this tonight. I wonder if Mike would know whether his check has been cashed. I’m not quite flush yet, but things are a little better. Now, once I get my Dime account back in order (living day-to-day from that has been stressful), things will be okay again. My log needs more pictures. What do you suggest I do about that? Tonight is all about cleaning up, getting things back together, maybe eating out with Mike to catch up. It’s good to be here at Cinergy so far. Cross your fingers for continued goodness.

“It has begun!”	1:06PM 07/22/2002
Shang Tsung would be proud–it really has begun. Not that starting a new gig is anything like being on a mysterious sailing ship heading for a life-or-death tournament of fighting or anything, but it’s still new and different, and that’s a good thing at this point. Thus far, everything that I’ve been told checks out completely (the office is loud), so I’m not shocked yet. Yesterday, my motorcycle decided not to shift anymore, which almost completely ruined my day (we didn’t get to go to Coney Island and get hot dogs, for example), but I managed to internalize the pain (always a healthy alternative, I know) and become social-Matt again, which was good because then Katie and I managed to make a good, if uninspired diner and sit on the roof and drink some wine and chat. I came to realize that one of my old favorite topics of conversation (anyone want to make a guess) loses its luster once everyone has made up his or her mind that there are limits and rules and that the world is no longer fluid. Before we thought that we knew everything, anything was possible and I liked that. I miss that nowadays, and I know that I’m at least as guilty as the next guy of this conceit, and I try to get around it. There’s just something about comfort that makes things easier, but it’s that comfort that destroys innovation or experimentation. Whatever’s eating at me is bigger than that, I’ll wager, but I think I can define it in time. I’ve been writing this over the 5 hours I’ve already been at work, so I think it’s time to get the hell outta this update and post it already. Talk back to me.

on the bad days, it rains.	6:52PM 07/19/2002
On the really bad days, it rains hard. Today, right now, it’s coming down in sheets. My bank has lost $900 worth of paycheck that was supposed to be there 2 weeks ago, my rent check has almost certainly bounced, I’ve spent the day oscillating between irritation and sadness that my investment in people hasn’t been seeming to pay off in any meaningful way. It’s weird, and it’s drama, and that makes it obnoxious, but it’s happening, uninvited, so what am i going to do? Anyway, it’s almost time to go back into the city (after a 6-hour foray there earlier to return a car), this time to get one of Drew’s friends who is supping uptown before she comes down here. I would like to avoid a repeat of the incident from earlier that involved Katie’s car being rear-ended if it’s at all possible, because no matter who’s involved, it’s irritating and time consuming and stressful to be in an accident of any type, especially on the West Side Highway. What else to say? Nothing, I guess, nothing at the moment. I’m feeling an honest-to-god long-assed rant coming on, though, about how demanding I am, whether it’s too demanding, whether there are too many people in my life who all hold but tangential meaning to me, and what it all means to my current situation. I guess it’s just been a long time since I’ve let anyone in (or even entertained the notion of letting anyone in, which is, I guess, what I’m doing now), and when it turns out badly, it makes me want to close back up again and never come out. Ahh, whatever, ignore me. If it comes, I’ll be sure to clearly mark the rant so you can skip over it to the salacious gossip that I will provide at the end. I wish I had salacious gossip. Bye.

again, so much to say, so little time.	10:42AM 07/19/2002
I’m looking up a system for Drew, I have to go return the car to Budget in the city, maybe buy new shoes, look into my banking situation, and get everything there straightened out. All today. Oh, and I have to go to the mayor’s office. I did manage to see Megan last night, which ruled, and Drew came up and Katie came over–all good things. I’m also unemployed today (finally), which is a wonderful thing, too. I have to go food shopping today because I’m out of food completely, which isn’t so bad, unless you consider that I’ve got company and I have to spend the days here and abouts. Anyway, lots to talk about, no time to talk about it. I WILL update again soon with more.

the prodigal returns	10:20PM 07/16/2002
so i’m planning to write this until either A) Melody calls to talk about work/script, or B) I am too tired to continue coherently any more. I’m betting B happens first because I’m pretty tired. So this weekend turned out pretty well, all except for the end. I was thinking that Long Island would be Ohio-with-Kim-Webb family relations crossed with new-kid-at-school social weirdness, but it was much better than that. A happened. I’ll be talking to Melody now. Then I’ll go to sleep.

it finally started.	7:30PM 07/12/2002
I need this weekend. Who knows how it’ll go? Long Island? Philly? Bay Ridge? NYC? Where’s the spot? Is it wrong of me to want sushi tonight? Put this into your pipe before you reply: I have no money. And my rent check may bounce. And I have to travel. Damn. What music will help me to usher in the weekend? Something with angst, I think. It smells good in this place–someone is barbeque-ing at the moment. Mmmm. and this background color is going to suck. I need to write a ‘preview’ function and maybe a color palette into this script. Oh, to have time. I remember the days.

ENTJ…	9:11AM 07/12/2002
over at humanmetrics, I’m listed as an ENTJ. I’m 67%E, 22%N (although this was significantly higher 2 days ago when I took the test), 56%T and 22%J. I don’t know what it all means, because looking at the descriptions on Typelogic.com, I do fit into the description pretty much, but then again, I also fit into much of what’s written for other people. It’s like horoscopes, I guess, where you have to be vague in order to encompass everyone. Whatever, it’s an interesting thing. If you take the test, tell me what you were rated on the board.

man.	5:32PM 07/11/2002
you’d think that it’d be almost too late to appreciate, but I LOVE having internet at my desk. It was just a twist of fate and my love for hubs and wiring that allowed it, but now that it’s here, I’m taking advantage and using Gnutella. Woo-hoo! Anyway, now I can get in some trouble. bye.

So this post is mainly about Rich.	9:15AM 07/11/2002
I’ve been called on calling him a “generally good guy,” so I promised a post all about him. First of all, Rich worked in the Art Department until today. This was his last day, though, so he’ll no longer be around for me to bother. And, boy, how I bothered him. But that’s okay, I bother most everyone. Second of all, he didn’t die in a car crash on the way to the wrap party. This might seem obvious to some of you, but trust me, it’s not. Assume NOTHING. Third of all, his “wrap comments” about me (of which there may not even have BEEN any) aren’t on display for me to read and comment on, so I think I’m doing pretty well. Anyway, wrap comments are something like “I didn’t let him make me call him Rearden so he turned out to be okay.” They’re sort of a thing that the two centers of the Art Department universe (Rich and Derek, of course) do to sum people up into a couple of sentences.So I like Rich. Maybe he’ll draft on ORAL PLEASURES, but I’m not sure how much drafting goes into a 1/4 mil movie, considering that I’ll likely have to find locations. Lastly, I’ll call him “potentially awesome” but I won’t tell you where I got that phrase. It’s a good phrase. I’m ass-exhausted, but I’m looking forward to hanging out with Megan tonight. I haven’t hung out with her in a long-ass time, and she’s like an anchor for me. There aren’t enough anchors in my life, you know? I’ve got precious few, and I feel like a lot of my older ones are drifting away. Geh. Onwards–let’s finish this work thing and get the hell outta here. editor’s note: this post was finished last night, but I didn’t have time to post it. Damn dialups.

when…	7:52AM 07/10/2002
man, things just haven’t been going swimmingly the last coupla’ days at ALL. I’ll prepare a better update soon. Cross your fingers for Nana–serious surgery today. Thinking about you, Nan.

the problem with being coerced into having conversations	10:39PM 07/08/2002
is that the outcome is never 100% positive. Interestingly enough, it was my own counter-logic that allowed me to give in at the end, because i’m telling myself that no matter what it’s called, the action, not the terminology, defines the product. If I’m being too vague, stop reading, cause you’re not getting any more specificity out of me at the moment. I’m not the right man for this specific job, and it’s not the right time for the duty either, but if the end result was happiness (if not mine, then someone’s), I guess all’s well. Whatever. They want me to work next week after specifically telling me that I’m finished this Friday–what a pain in the ass. No matter what, I want to exit this thing with some grace, and that means no accusations and a mature solution. I wonder how that’s going to go down. I Xeroxed (I like using that word) the pages for Issue 4 today (a blast from the past–yes, I DID just talk about VENTURE), and they psyched me up for this whole thing again. Now, if there was only a way for me to transfer my confidence and excitement to Kurt…. Oh well–I have to go the hell to sleep.

has it been that long?	7:09PM 07/07/2002
someday, when I look back on all of this, it’s going to make a lot of sense. I keep telling myself that. At the moment, it feels a little like an unspooling cinema reel, but that’s just the way things go, i guess. Anyway, I just go back from my mom’s place, where my brother and sister were having a joint graduation party, complete with some relatives, some friends, and a total stranger or two (there was at least someone that one of them didn’t know). It was a good party. I found out that stormy had to be put to sleep last week, immediately after my family’s return from Disney world. It’s a shame–apparently something was wrong with her liver and she couldn’t eat, couldn’t process foods or liquids properly, and was just all-around fucked up. That’s pretty lame. I mean, it’s just a dog, but she was a good dog, and we loved her. Stormy, you’ll be missed. Anyway, it was a short-lived trip to philly, but just long enough to make sure that I didn’t get too comfortable. I got back today in time to catch Minority Report and do laundry, both before I’m supposed to meet with Melody (who will, no doubt, have eaten and NOT want to get food with me) about the upcoming flick. I’ll also pass off to her a copy of my screenplay, and hopefully have an extra that I can copy tomorrow at work a couple of times for other unsuspecting victims. Is it possible to move a script from MSWord format to Final Draft format without an assload of reformatting problems? I think I have to deal with that soon, as there are people that really like them the Final Draft, and those people don’t really compromise. Whatever the issue, I have to do a bunch of things, one of which is write checks for my damn bills. I need a paycheck or two like mad, and I’m just spending money like it’s going out of style. it’s almost a shame, only it’s not. I’ll keep you updated.

wow…	8:11AM 07/04/2002
“if you run a sit like that, what’s the use in pulling punches?” An interesting quote from Rich, generally good guy who failed to make it to our wrap party last night, even after wandering around making sure that everyone would be there. I hope he didn’t crash his car last night or nothin’. Anyway, I’m more weirded out than normal because I can’t figure out why I’m doing what I’m doing. There was a time during which I would analyze a situation and deny it if its potential for trouble was greater than its potential for gain. Now, I’m directly-the-fuck on the fence about some small (but perhaps key) issues and I can’t figure out at all why a decision hasn’t been made FOR me by now. I mean, when you seem to have nothing in common with someone, what’s left? I know that for my part, I have an insatiable curiosity for why people are the way they are (armchair psych anyone?) and an unquenchable need to be with people. Those qualities (problems?) seem to excuse ME, but when I think about it from the other perspective and I think about what I’m bringing to the table, I sort of come up empty. I mean, not that I’m having a crisis of ego or anything (god forbid, can you imagine that?), because I know that I have a lot to bring to the table, but it’s like I’m a butcher offering tasty filets and top rounds to a vegetarian who just doesn’t need what I’m selling. Does that make sense? Whatever. Anyway, some issue and embarassment was avoided yesterday in the discovery of my website, although I have but a week to go. It could have been awkward explaining my way out of whatever bullshit inflammatory statements that I may or may not have made. See the opening quote, though, for a truism. And fuck it all. Love me or hate me, don’t read if you don’t want to be offended. I think I need to start scanning a photo of the week for this site–it could use some more interesting stuff. The board is pretty good, actually. Check it out.

and now it’s 5:45 am	5:44AM 07/01/2002
I’ve been at work for an hour fifteen, and I’m just now realizing that it’s damn early. Anyway, yesterday, I talked to Melody, and I think that I’m going to be APOC on her next movie, slated to start in a few weeks. That is uber-cool. Today is also her birthday, so wish her a good one when you see her. Anyway, the day is starting and I had to post my old update and then post this one, but now I’m off to surf the web like a good boy. Then, in about 30 minutes, real work starts. Bleh.

belated updates – from Friday last	5:39AM 07/01/2002
remember how I thought I might not use my days to the fullest when I did have them off? Yeah. Well, that was yesterday. I know that it was only one day and that I could well use the relaxation, but I feel like I haven’t done anything worthwhile (written anything, shot anything, made anything) for an immensely long time. It’s strange, because as little actual good as my creating things does, it makes me feel good, and it’s that satisfaction that I miss. I do think that there’s some legitimacy to the idea of having no time affect your creative flow, too, even though I think that most of the time, “having no time” is grossly exaggerated and total bullshit. Even in my case, I know that I DO have some time (on the subway, days off) when I could work on my stuff. I think in my case, it just takes some getting used to the schedule. Then the creativity comes back with a vengance. When that happens (if it happens before this gig is up in a couple of weeks), I’ll be even more tired than usual from staying up later and expending more energy to create. Boy, will I be able to complain a lot then, huh?

damn!	6:12AM 06/30/2002
It’s been quite awhile, huh? I’ve been so exhausted this weekend that I couldn’t bring myself to sit at teh computer–I had to go straight to bed and that hasn’t even helped much. It’s not easy working split weeks, especially when the weekends are still so busy. Anyway, last night was out with Russ and Katie and her friends Amy and Katherine. I couldn’t remember the great idea that I had had earlier (like two weeks ago) to tell Russ, but then, yesterday, I did. Thank god. Yesterday was another hard day–another solid 15 hours, I was in before and left after our coordinator, and that was just rough because of how much less I’m making. But last night (after work) was fun because I got to see Melody and Julie and my roommate, estranged though he may be. So this morning, despite coming in again just before one, I’m in a good mood and happy to face the day. Only this, I’m hoping that it’s an early day. I have this harebrained scheme about computers for the Italian job (which hasn’t happened yet officially, and might not happen at all) that I would like to research, and ideas to write down that I would LOVE to have time to put on paper. Also, getting some sleep would be key. I have an update on mo lappie that I haven’t posted yet because I’ve been so busy, so I’ll try to get to that today, too. That sounds like a good idea to me.

working late into the night	11:51PM 06/26/2002
means that I’ll be driving my bike home late and alone. Maybe I can drive fast, considering that no one else should be on the road at that hour. I can hope. Then I can sleep in. As long as it’s not too hot. Maybe it’s time to install the innefectual air conditioner. Someone should get some use out of it. Anyway, I’ve been way downtown a lot lately, and I didn’t realize how much it looks like just about any major port city in the world. It’s interesting, because I don’t think about the way the financial district looks from within it, just from across the river or from the top of the WTC. It’s kinda cool looking, though. I liked it. Anyway, tonight’s night shoot has commenced, and I’m just starting to feel tired, so I’m going to cut this short while it’s still vaguely sane. I’m sure it only gets worse from here. Thanks for reading.

so much to say	11:43PM 06/25/2002
I’ve actually been spending a lot of time with Katie recently (Katie from work, Katie), and having a good time doing it. It makes me wish that I didn’t have massive time committments to work, because I forgot how much fun it was to live a normal life that involves going out with friends and meeting new people. In other news, I got the tire fixed on my bike (we’ll see if it holds), replaced the clutch lever and got a helmet net for it. It was good. Anyway, I did some general maintenance and found out why the choke lever wasn’t working (rotted metal cable, actually), and couldn’t figure out the horn for the life of me. I mean, I found that the switch was disconected, but the button is also stuck in. It would help me to know what a not-broken switch looked like, but, failing that, I’d take an assembly that was a little easier to put together. Whatever. Well, it’s getting late and I’m tired. There is a mad-late call tomorrow (7PM!?!?!), and I’m in at noon, so I can sleep in a little. We’ll see what happens with that.

playing catch-up	8:19AM 06/23/2002
it’s hard when there are a ton of things on my mind, but simply no time to put them all down on paper. It’ll be harder, though, when i DO manage to get some time (a weekend, maybe???) and then I don’t take absolutely fullest advantage of it. That’ll embarass me. I have lots of things to say to the replies to my “how do we know we exist?” question, I have photos to take (I even have some ideas again–isn’t that refreshing?) and I have stories to tell. But now I have work to attend. I’ll see you around. I’m taking the laptop, just in case there’s a moment today, so look out for the keyboard cowboy.

I’m tired…	8:19AM 06/22/2002
Man. For reason of not sleeping, I’m REALLY tired today. I’m hoping that it’s going to be a short day, but I honestly doubt that it will be. It’s saturday and I’m at work, which sucks, but that’s okay, because I need the money, the work, and the experience. That’s the important thing. I’m updating from work today, which rules.

my roommate watches Blind Date	11:17PM 06/20/2002
and I find myself wishing that I could watch her ‘post-date wrap up’ after the one I just went on. We talked easily and freely for a few hours (like, what, three?) while nursing sangria, and at the end, I got no vibe at all. Whatever it was, I must not have done it for her in some way. Maybe I wasn’t as cute as I seemed at the bar when we first met. Maybe I said something that set her ‘creep-detector’ off, even though I was careful to keep most of my perverted thoughts off my lips. Whatever it was, I got the ‘I’m not interested, but you’re a nive guy,’ vibe. That happens with conservative girls that like me sometimes, but somehow, she doesn’t seem to fit the mold that I expect that sort of behavior from. But, hey, at least she called me back when we first talked. All in all, it wasn’t a bad date. Now it’s time to go to sleep because I have an 8:30 call tomorrow, even though I’m used to getting to work at like 1 now. I think I’ll drive, but we’ll see how much time i have. Anyway, tomorrow is friday, and it seems that I won’t be going out again. Oh, sad day. Ah well. At least I got out tonight. And I think I’ll try to get a couple of kids to go to something at Culture Club next week, though we’ll have to see. My ideas are really running away with me now. I’ve got to write some of them down.

“time to make the donuts…”	11:18AM 06/19/2002
Man, I’m sounding like a broken record. But it’s true. There are interesting things going on inside my head, but they all have to stay there because I haven’t the time to lay them on paper. Maybe that’s better, because then only the strong ones will float to the top, letting the weaker ones get buried in the sea of ideas. Then again, there will probably be that one really bad idea that makes up for its badness by being persistent as hell. Damn bad ideas. Why must they plague me?

Time to go to work…	11:22AM 06/18/2002
I just talked to Joe Blandy–man, it’s been awhile since we talked last. He’s working with his dad now, and is interested in getting the tech side of things running at Stoney Bank Nurseries. That’s good for them, and it’ll be nice to have another web page in active development again. Late calls suck, especially when they’re not late enough to be night calls. When your morning starts in the afternoon, it’s a hard day to figure out. Anyway, I sent an e-mail to the techlist, and hopefully that’ll get moving shortly, too.

my day off	10:36PM 06/17/2002
I worked on my farmer’s tan. I saw Megan. I saw THE BOURNE IDENTITY. I saw Melody for about three minutes. I slept late and did laundry. I did not clean. I lost phone tag with Ali (can I call her that?), which was actually good. I didn’t spend all day in the house, which is what I probably should have done. That’s okay, though. I got a lot accomplished. Sort of. Call time tomorrow is 1pm. That should be a late night. I wish there would be a 10am show of BAD COMPANY somewhere, because it’d be cool to see that, finally. Maybe as call times get later. Anyway, it was good to be off.

I think it’s a good thing that I don’t spend a lot of time alone.	11:02PM 06/15/2002
“Saturday night, and you’re still hanging around….” My mind seems to wander off into really weird sorts of tangents when I spend a lot of time by myself–it’s almost disturbing. I wonder if it’s not some natural backlash to the narrowmindedness that seems to pervade the world in which I spend most of my time, and if it wouldn’t normalize somehow after some extended period of reflection. I feel very strongly some things that are missing from my life at the moment, and I wonder how these play into my mindsets as well. Tomorrow is father’s day, and I miss my dad quite a bit, but more than that, I feel for the rest of my family who suffers each in his or her own way alone tomorrow (and every day). I miss Cape Cod at the moment, and I wonder whether I can recapture it someday, whether it will be there to recapture, even, or if such an experience went extinct with the setting sun of our annual visits. Cape Cod was always important to me, always made me feel grounded, from as far back as I can remember writing journals of any sort. I miss close friendships I once enjoyed, once took for granted, even, and I’m not sure where that leaves me, but casting about aimlessly. This is how people get hurt, I think. I’m not looking for any of that, anyway. Sorry for the weirdness, but I’m tired, I guess, and as I said, I get weird when I’m by myself.

Andrew is here…	10:14AM 06/02/2002
…and I’m trying my hardest not to get sick. I need to rush out and get that stuff that people take to NOT get sick, but I forget what it is. Someone will know…but whom? Anyway, I made an exciting decision yesterday, one that involves a lot of money (at least for me), and I’ll tell you all about it when the deal’s done. I have to wait for the deal to be done because things like this sometimes fall through. Anyway. Umm, now it’s time to look for apartments for Drew in Houston and maybe even an accessory or two for my new thing. Cool?

out of necessity…	10:36AM 06/01/2002
…these updates are coming immediately one after the other. Man, I’ve been busy, and I’m so out of touch that I’m almost inclined to spend $60/month to get internet here. Oh, how addicted I am. Tonight, I think I sign up for the service to hook the cell to the laptop. It’s just better than a short-term $60/month charge for this current gig. Then I’ll have better weekends and things. Good stuff. So 13 hours of work really ran me down yesterday, but, I’m proud to say, not enough to get me to cancel my plans to get a drink with Melody in Union Square last night. Melody is eternally cool for meeting with me in between arriving from Florida and departing for Venice in an 18-hr period. Tonight, Drew comes. I’ll subject him to various hilarity tonight, then terrible stuff tomorrow, such as mad-crazy laundry and new server work. But if it’s nice, I bet we can also toss the frisbee around in the park or something. It’d be good to get outside for a purpose other than running someone else’s errands.

Weird…	10:35AM 06/01/2002
So my friend Paula is getting married to the flyboy that she went to visit in Cali about a month ago. A visit that started out ill-planned and unhappy has turned out really well for her. I am a little sad about the whole thing, but only in that selfish sort of way that speaks of my relative immaturity. I’m very glad that she’s happy, but now that she’s about to be someone’s wife, it means that I’ll likely never see her again. And she’s such a nice girl. Ah well, we’ll always have, uhm, Prague. In other news, I’m considering writing the DSF prequel out in prose and seeing if I can get the thing read by a bunch of people that way. Over the past two years, I’ve evolved into this guy that seems to think that nothing is finished until it has images to go along with it, and I’m not sure that guy is entirely right. Prose certainly has its time and place, and maybe its place is here, with this project, and maybe its time is now. I’ve certainly been stripping out a lot of the extraneous detail from the narrative to streamline it for comic production, which should thin it out some, make it tighter and faster if I do decide to make it into a short story. Who reads short stories? Anyone that would care about the history that it set up later? I wonder.

again and again!	6:44AM 05/30/2002
I slept awfully last night–at this rate, I’ll b lucky to make it through the week. Man. Also, I’m given to introspection in a big way recently, and I wonder if it’s a cause of, or caused by my inability to write stuff. But, man, have I been prolific in my book. Now, if i could only translate that to something useful.

quickie	6:33AM 05/29/2002
I slept terribly last night and I don’t know why. Today, I feel slightly off-center, and I hope it gets better, and fast. WriteClub was productive, and I gave Russ some things to look at, including initial re-workings of RAPTURE and the DSF comic project (which may or may not ever get made, but I want to have it written anyway). We even hatched a harebrained scheme to get something going on a HUGE level, but I don’t want to jinx it by talking about it. Perhaps the trick will be to get someone other than me to give my script to the powers that be. I don’t know. More on that later. I’m off to work where I hope I can get internet access today. We’ll see how the winds of goodwill go.

are we doing enough?	9:49PM 05/27/2002
Russ asks an interesting question: *are we doing enough to make sure that we don’t fail?* It’s a good question, because the answer is almost always “no.” I mean, if we have to ask, the answer must be no, right? Well, it’s tricky. But, as I’m sure you’re sick of reading, I’m working on it. I put up a techlist homepage prototype this weekend, which is a step in the right direction. I finished the script to the movie I’m currently on so I’ll have a clue about what’s happening in that world. I started a new book, too, one full of interesting facts about Australia (Paula sent it to me a long time ago). That should help me gain a little more distance and perspective. I need that distance and perspective at the moment. I need it to understand my projects and my place in them. I need it to understand that sometimes things fail and have nothing to do with me. I need it for lots of reasons. It makes me happy that the people that I know tend to be smart, but it makes me sad when they get high-maintenance because of it. Man. That’s okay, though, because I’m just tired, of course. I wrote too much today, I’m sorry.

Imagine.	12:26PM 05/27/2002
Interesting thing about lazy weekends: they have the capacity to get interesting at a moment’s notice. Kara called me yesterday afternoon. Weird because I was pretty sure that she’d never call me again. Weirder still was the fact that she was 1) in New York, 2) had been here since Friday, and 3) kind of wanted me to go up to the city to meet her and her friend. I was pretty suprised, but I also wanted to see her, so I put aside any irritation that rose when I realized that she was calling me and I went. I’m glad I went. I’m good at not holding a grudge, and I had a good time because of it, and I’m glad that Kara and I could get back into our interesting dynamic so fast so well. She’s a good kid (can I still call my friends kids without insulting them? My gut tells me no, but my heart still wants to call them kids, so…), and it’s good to have her as a friend. Kara’s friend, let’s call her A, hated me. Interesting dynamic because I think the wine helped her not give a shit whether she was offending me or not, and I really liked that. It’s not often that a stranger with whom you share a mutual friend makes no attempt to hide the fact that she made no attempt to like you. As far as it went, A wasn’t entirely unpleasant, and it seemed like as long as things were about her directly, she was happy. When we veered a little off that favored topic, rancor bubbled to the surface. People who know me know that I am good at a couple of things. I’m not wrong to be supremely confident in my people skills and in my ability to help drive a conversation that includes two people. The only time I’ve driven it to debacle was playgroup with Shaun and Justin, and I think, in retrospect, that it wasn’t really my fault. I was just too damn young to understand the dynamic that was playing out there. I mean, Shaun and I are oldest children and Justin is an only and 9 months older than Shaun and I are, so we’re dealing with three specific types of personality. Add to that an unhappy parental situation in one of the cases and you’ve got a strange brew. And man, did I fail that test. I think to this day Shaun is probably afraid of Justin. And, oddly enough, Shaun grew into the biggest of all of us. Back to topic. What the hell was my point? Nothing, I guess, except that it was interesting and kinda cool getting to see someone not like me in real time as opposed to getting a feeling and then reconstructing it in hindsight with the dubious help of veiled statements from your mutual friend. To be fair, I guess I did waltz in and dry up the attention that the girls were loving from the italian waiters. I probably also ruined a lot of potential meetings with sailors, too, being that this is fleet week until like tomorrow. If you’re in A’s shoes, you’re probably going to resent some asshole damming the river of flirtation that you drank from at will, too. Part of me wishes that it wasn’t nice today because I’d kind of like to just sit inside and try to install RedHat on my new server box (yeah, right) and just kick around. But the sun and the temperature compel me to try to get outside some. I think I need to plan some outdoor activities sometime in the not-too-distant future as a way to ensure that I’ll be outside doing things. It’s good to have this weekend to hang out, though, considering how tired I’ve been.

Sunday comes…	8:47AM 05/26/2002
Man. I’ve been quite unlike myself lately. I’ve been having weird dreams, I’ve been cranky and antisocial and I’ve been completely unable to write. What unpleasantness is this? Some of it I know i can attribute to the new gig. The hours and the pace are unfamilliar, and the learning curve is steep, leaving me both tired and drained by the end of the day. I think another part of my issue is lack of practice. I haven’t been working feverishly on something recently (not since our VENTURE rejection) and I think it’s easy to let that momentum end, which is what I’ve done, to a large extent. Also in the running is the possibility that these things just happen. There are creative dry spells sometimes and I’m just in one. Whatever the explanation, it’s kind of an unpleasant time to be me, at least as far as the way I’m used to doing things goes. Having no internet connection at work throws me off, too, and I don’t like it. I don’t like not being able to be in touch, even infrequently, at work. Considering how long I’m there, I don’t think that’s so unfair to complain about. All complaining aside, I noticed something interesting about my projects on friday. That interesting thing is this: they’re almost all in some ‘reconsideration’ phase. Examples: VENTURE–reconsidering the art and the style. All text and effect work will have to be redone. DSF the comic project–if it’s not dead, it’s certainly hanging by a thread. It’s getting a rewrite so that it’s much more dense and layered, and I think I’ve figured out the ending, too. RAPTURE–a scr1pt that I haven’t touched in a long time because I didn’t think it was very good has found new life recently when I went on my ill-fated b-movie kick. I think I’m getting close to figuring out how to make it a readable scr1pt, if only this damn creative drought would end. I’ll read another book this week and keep myself from forcing the issue, and then after that book is done I’ll force the issue. I can make myself write (see the pages from that super ill-fated road b-movie i wrote–where did that even think it was going? Man. Anyway, today I have to write checks and I have to do laundry. Maybe I’ll also take some pictures. I have those Maxim reprints to pick up today, but I think I’ve decided that e-bay is just too damn much trouble. I should look into it, just in case. I should also look into the motorcycle thing, but since the as went in the paper today, I bet I missed it. Of course, $5k is way more than I’d like to spend on something right now. Of course, it would create a payment history for myself…. Damn quandaries. Maybe today I could also go through some of that weird video I shot and use some of it for something. It’d be nice to put something else up on my site. Okay, I’ve made you read enough. It’s time to move on. Thanks for reading.

springtime. the heat is on in my apartment.	9:14PM 05/22/2002
and all the windows are open. At the moment, I want nothing more than to lie naked in the dark and let the night overwhelm me. I think, however, that if I don’t write something (anything, really), I’ll implode first. There’s a lot on my mind, and I don’t even know what half of it is. You know something is weird when you’ve been alone for all of 30 minutes, you’re exhausted, and you can barely stop yourself from making a half a dozen phone calls just so you can avoid being lonely. I’m not even sure I am lonely. It’s weird that way. I love being here, I love being able to wander around naked if I want, I love not hearing the TV and not worrying if the electronic music is too irritating, but at the same time, I loathe the lack of conversation. The more I write, the more I wonder if my craving, at least at this moment, for conversation has anything to do with wanting to drown out the voices in my head, the thoughts telling me things that maybe I don’t want to hear. If I could only stop tyoing, maybe I’d hear them. Yeah. Anyway, I also wonder if there aren’t a lot of pent up creative juices in my head trying to find solace on the page. I wonder if that haas anything to do with my weird feelings. I wonder if it’s the exhaustion from trying to learn so much so fast (and I must say that I’m doing well with the names, too–yay for me). I wonder if it’s not some weird, latent thing related to relationships and springtime. I’m feeling more and more like I’ve been cutting my own options and potential off at the root and now the flower is dying just when I want to smell it most. Whoa, that was an overwhelmingly dumb metaphor. So stupid, in fact, that I won’t even try to get out of it. I think I’ll just leave it there as firther proof of my malaise. Besides, you get the picture. Okay, well, it’s time for me to set my alarm and go to sleep. By my count, I am owed some hours in bed and I intend to collect immediately. Thanks for reading, sorry to put you through it, and try to get through the drivel below, too. I must have needed to write today. Now, if only I could get to some fiction.

from the trenches

8:32PM 05/22/2002

just having gotten home, I’m going to post exactly what I scribbled at work, figuring that I’ll have something more intelligent to say later. Read on. what the hell is “above the line” in the film industry?

The new gig, while interesting, is keeping me on my toes as far as making me always try to come up with new and interesting ways to look busy. My back is to the room, and for those of you that don’t know me all that well, I don’t mind telling you that it bothers me to no end that people are always able to look over my shoulder, that I can’t see what’s happening. I mean, for a visual guy, this is torture. What it means in a more sort of imaginary way is that I live thinking that people are always reading what I’m writing, always checking out my screen. It’s unsettling.
Now, five hours later, the word comes down that perhaps we aren’t staying here (“we” is Peter, the other PA and myself), but moving into the ante-room, the entryway, if you will. While this could sound like a terrible idea, like they’re moving us into the super-high traffic area, the place where delivery boys and mail all comes, and it’s true. But moving there would be a major improvement, I think, for a series of reasons. Here are three: first, the lighting is better. Never underestimate the power and importance of good lighting. Second, my back will get to be to a wall. No more ninjas sneaking up behind me. Third, I’ll be out of the eyeline. This one is amazingly important to the life of a PA–never underestimate it.
–I had tasty treats for dinner last night at Megan & Lindsay’s house, and even though it meant that I couldn’t catch Russ, it was worth it. M&L are very good about planning in advance. Besides that, I’m pretty sure Russ has no interest in catching up with me, having moved past his “I need film-makers in my life” phase. I’m not sure if he’s still mad at me about New Years’ 2001 or not, and i guess it doesn’t matter. It sucks that we aren’t tight anymore because he’s a good egg.

and that’s the end. more to come. lots of thoughts, not enough time.

First day of work	9:26PM 05/20/2002
While it would be untrue to say that I thrived, I did survive, and that’s often all we can ask for on our first days on the new job. I didn’t burn anything down, hurt anyone or break anything, and they even invited me back for a second day. Things are looking up. The office seems staffed with nice, efficient and productive people, complete with what I now recognize as the full cast(*) of characters, or, in another movie reference, the usual suspects. I think there is much to be enjoyed there, and a lot to learn. I’ve begun reading again (thank God for the subway, now, how will I keep myself in books?), and I hope that this activity will help me regain some presence as a writer. I feel like I’ve lost what meager facility I had and am now floundering in an open sea of badness of writing. (See? that metaphor was terrible!) Anyway, there was a whisper about starting WriteClub again, and it brought warmth to my heart. If WriteClub can start again, maybe there’s hope for creative collaboration in this city afterall. The recent drought was beginning to turn my spirits. Lastly, I think it’s time for the techlist–so I’ll think of something witty to say and away we’ll go. As always, thanks for reading. And this time, for the breakdown of the usual cast of characters, check the board. I feel like putting them both together would be too incriminating.

Good morning from Philadelphia	9:20AM 05/19/2002
In fewer than 24 hours, two things will be different. #1: Andrew will be a college graduate. #2: I will be working on a new project. #1 is interesting, not because it’s surprising at all (everyone knew he’d be graduating with a double major in the top 18% from his class), but because it marks his completion of lower higher education and the start of his endeavors towards grad school. Also, most people only graduate once, if at all, so it’s an occasion to be marked. Congratulations, Andrew. #2 is a bit of a shock, because you can never be sure what the futrure holds. Sight unseen, I’d say that my luck was holding out, and that comes as a bit of a surprise. I’m coming from a place (and I’m not leaving it, don’t worry) where I’m wondering a little about my famous luck, wondering how long it could possibly hold out, how strong it could be. There have been a lot of things about the past two years that don’t fall into the charmed pattern of my traditional existence, this much I’m aware of. What I cannot see (no vantage point yet, I’m still in the mire) is whether this is merely something that most people call character building, designed to strengthen me for a continuation of my fortune, or whether it’s just the end of a long run of luck that I didn’t earn to begin with. I’d like to believe that even without my unnatural good luck, I’d still manage pretty well. Maybe we’ll see now. Anyway, this update has sort of meandered into weirdness (as they often seem to), so I’ll leave it at this. On the bus ride home tonight, I’ll probably work on my scr1pt–that’s a good thing. Maybe I can figure out what it’s about.

Emily is visiting	8:17PM 05/16/2002
Hi everyone. Star Wars this morning ruled (really as fun as the originals, almost, and fixed lots of problems that happened in EP1), and it was my first 5am show. Yeah, 5am. That means that i got up at 2:30 this morning. It was a little bit of a shame cause I would like to have been able to get out with Sarah last night, but I had to sleep. Emily and I are doing some music stuff now. Bye.

BICKFORD passing	10:29PM 05/14/2002
like a poor player who struts and frets his hour upon the stage… They cancelled MAX. Bad news for everyone that I was really hoping would be able to return to the great atmosphere and the steady paycheck of the FOX sunday night show. I wonder what they’ll put on in its place…. Something that sucks equally as much, I’d wager. Anyway, that’s all the news that’s fit to print on this slow day off. Man, it’s nice having time off. But it’s only nice because I don’t have to look for anything else at the moment. Thank god for TEN WAYS….

my ribs hurt.	10:14PM 05/13/2002
today it feels almost like an extended cramp, rather than a rib issue. I mean, I could be confused, but it really feels like I did something to a muscle rather than the bone–even though the syptoms all seem to match those of a fracture, it doesn’t hurt the way you’d think a fracture would hurt. At least not the way I think a fracture would hurt. It’s strange–even though I KNOW that I’m not actually hurt in some long term, it’s-important-to-my-life sort of way, I can’t help but think of my dad and of the possibilities that he’d have had if he didn’t continually think that he was just suffering aches and pains. Geh. X-Rays will be so inconclusive–besides, what can they do for cracked ribs, anyway, provide stronger pain medication? Deep breaths make me want that, at least some of the time. In other, completely unrelated stuff-that’s-on-my-mind news, Monday has come and almost gone without my having done much writing. It’s not for lack of trying–I even have an interesting idea, but I think it’s getting mired in the first act. Maybe it doesn’t matter. Maybe I should puch through and just write it, even if the first act becomes like 40 pages too long because of it. I can always cut it down. Tomorrow, I will finish the treatment and move onto the scr1pt. I swear. I’m testing a Hard drive for bad sectors at the moment, and it appears that there are a lot of them there–that could spell disaster for my planned server upgrade project, or SUP. Also posing a potential threat to upgrade-dom is the looming fact of integrated components. I want to install Linux on this machine and I don’t know how well it will handle the fact that everything runs off the board and not off of its own PCI IRQ. Man, my mind really wanders. I wonder if it has anything to do with the thunder, with the fact that I’m sitting on my couch alone in the dark, listening to the rain and keeping one eye on the window for lightning. Happy Monday, anyway.

it’s been awhile…	3:17PM 05/13/2002
well, Monday has arrived. The weekend turned out really well–things weren’t much harder than normal, Widard World East was fun and educational, and Andrew even drove me home last night. That was a lot of cool–I owe him big time for all the times he drives me here and hangs out. He did, however, kick my ass squarely in Mortal Kombat, owning me in one and three, while I managed to hold onto two. But I digress. Today has been a lazy day where I’ve done very little, but it’s almost time to start writing. I have something that resembles a plot in my head, now all I have to do is iron it out. Then I can stay up late writing. Writing and computers–that’s what this week holds for me.

D-day.	8:37AM 05/10/2002
Here we go. Anticipation always makes things worse. I guess today is Sheeva’s (is that how we spell it?) 2nd birthday, too, so happy birthday to my third dog. I wonder when people will be arriving for the festivities that start tomorrow. Man, I’m waiting patiently for those festivities. Maybe I can get lunch with my mom today.

Philly update #1	11:21AM 05/09/2002
Hey there. I’m about to take my mom’s computer offline and upgrade the entire thing. At the moment, I am engaged in a theory debate with myself about whether or not to install XP on this system. It’s a nice OS, but it might be too many bells & whistles. We shall see. There is some weird stuff on the horizon for this weekend… I wonder how it’ll all turn out.

man, what weirdness is this?	1:50AM 05/08/2002
sometimes I amaze even myself. What do I think? As far as time spent with people that have no interest in me and in whom I have little more than the curiosity of the unknown, this is the weirdest it’s ever been. Michael mentioned that a cell-phone ban might be in order, considering that courtesy didn’t prevent the two-plus hour conversation that took place on my couch. It’s really one of my pet peeves, people who lack courtesy or consideration when it comes to their phones. Talking during dinner, talking in the presence of others for personal reasons, letting the phone ring off the hook during an entire evening… it’s just rude. Someday, I’d like to be in the presence of an entire society where this sort of thing is totally taboo and just not done. But I digress. It was a weird day, anyway. I played some Quake2 (and worked on getting my framerates up a little, too, which was nice) and did a little writing. Tomorrow is banking (maybe), a little more writing, and then heading to philly. We’ll see how it all plays out. Wish me luck.

nighttime musings	11:14PM 05/06/2002
I’m wondering, after my first of ten full days off, what defines friendship. Do different people have different definitions? Are there definitions more stringent than others? If there are, what do you call someone that fits into the broad category between acquaintance and friend? An acquaintance is someone that you know a little bit, right? Maybe someone that you know from work or social situations, but not someone that you’d call to go out with. Sounds about right to me–at least for this exercise. A friend might be someone that you tell important things to, someone with whom you share your dreams and nightmares. So what of the plenty of people that you like, that like you–people that you simply might not know well enough to be real friends with or else people whose company you enjoy for a certain reason or in a certain situation but with whom you don’t really share secrets? What indeed, what indeed. I don’t really know what brought this on, so ignore meunless you have a good idea. if you do, post it on my board.

Can we talk about how great it is to be unemployed?

1:34PM 05/06/2002

Man. I just filed for unemployment (which I won’t see for a month, but still), and i’m thinking the whole time “what a scam, I get paid NOT to work!” I know that it expires after a certain amount of time (something about how much you pay in vs how much you collect), but I can’t imagine that people don’t just work for a year and then collect unemployment for a few months and kick back and relax.

Anyway, besides that, I’ve already finished the edits to my ORAL PLEASURES scr1pt (which have been complete on paper but not entered for 6 weeks cause I’m lazy), reformatted a computer (which still requires a ton of time) and fought with my roommate in the park because it’s an amazing day.

We used to go fight in the park all the time, but it’s been like nine months and I missed it, so we decided to do it this morning and see how we fared. It turned out not bad, actually. I got punched hard in the ribs once so now it hurts to breathe, but otherwise, my pain is just a symptom of being out of fighting shape. That means that my shins and forearms are all pulpy and sore, but not really injured, and my feet are a little beat up, too. But that happens when you throw lots of kicks.

Anyway, it’s already 1:30 and my mind is blown. I have to go to the bank sometime and see what the story is with getting a loan to buy a motorcycle (someday, i swear) and I have to get my fuckin Maxims down and photograph them so I can sell them on ebay.

The weekend, which saw me completely ignore the internet, turned out pretty well, complete with Spider-Man and closing a Sunnyside bar at 4 on Friday, a party that only managed to make me feel vaguely weird on Saturday (although, man, were there some odd undercurrents going on there) and reorganization and such on Sunday, allowing me to start today running. That’s good. But there’s much yet to be done, so I’m off to *not* lose momentum.

HOW TO LOSE A GUY IN TEN DAYS – great news!	11:38AM 05/03/2002
I got the gig! It starts on the 20th now, and not on monday, which is great, because now i can take a little time off but still know that i have work in a couple of weeks. The downside is, of course, that I’ll lose 2 weeks of pay, but life goes on. So I’m hooked up at the moment. Good stuff.

Spider-Man and Joe’s birthday and one more thing	8:16AM 05/03/2002
My closest childhood friend (and the kid I got in trouble with more than anyone else) turns twenty-six today. Man, we used to hang out when we were six. And sixteen. He doesn’t read here, but my thoughts are with him anyway today, so happy birthday, Joe. Spider-Man opens today, too. I have four tickets to the 8:15 show at the Lowes in Times Square. Wanna talk about some rabid fans? Man. I can’t wait. I know I’ll have to go see it again on Saturday, but that’s okay. Today also counts as my last day of work. I haven’t heard from Liz, which means that it’s unlikely that I’ll be working on monday. I feel badly about that because I would really like to work on a feature of that magnitude, even if it is only for a month or so. It would be good on my resume and a nice change from the lower-budget and differently-paced world of television.

HOW TO LOSE A GUY… update + rant	8:20AM 05/01/2002
So I met with Liz, the Production Office Coordinator last night. She was very nice and seemed to like me a lot. They’ll make their decision in a matter of days (since they want their PA to start on Monday). I think my chances are pretty good, but these things are never a lock. She did like the fact that I do the whole computer thing, though. That was good. Their offices are in Tribecca (I think it’s Tribecca) just south of the Village, so getting there should be pretty painless, should I score the gig, too. Anyway, I got to thinking about how fucked up it is that interviewing to be ona film isn’t like interviewing for any other, regular job. You can’t really tell them, “Uhh, give me a few days to think it over” because they’ll just replace you with someone that wants it immediately. So in my position, it’s a toss up, because even if I have other stuff on the hook (which I only might, so it doesn’t matter too much), I’d have to give it up for the first thing available. That might not be the best move career-wise, but it’s important to work, right? So blah.

The Log – 2002 Edition, #3

The Log – 2002 Edition, #4

The Log – 2002 Edition, #2

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